the world is so beautiful

traitor

2008-07-02T21:40:57Z

http://simplegirlsguide.blogspot.com/

New post on my new blog :)

winding down

2008-05-30T00:34:36Z

the entire end of april and the entire beginning of may was a very blissful time. i didn't get very much done at work, but ben and i spent almost every night laughing hysterically and going for long walks and watching our shows. we had a lot of fun and ate a lot of sweets and i baked a lot. for some reason, i haven't been able to carry that bliss over into the past few weeks. we were housesitting with the twins for awhile, and then this week the reality of the end of the school year hit hard. now i'm trying to grab some balance, and not disappoint ben too much with my rollarcoastering emotions. here is what is on my mind:

home
packing up our stuff
selling old clothes at the consignment shop
fixing up little things for the moving out inspection
the rising grocery prices
ant control

work
have the legal "cumulative" folders organized correctly for end of year
having all the grades entered into the computer correctly (read: at least 3 different programs)
returning all workbooks, retired materials, and old assessments to the kids
goodbyes to our various reading buddies and school-wide collaborations (class swaps, etc)
packing up my materials and getting them home
social problems for my homeless students and students with bad homelives (they're out all summer!?!?)
legal staffings and conferences to have the kids placed correctly for next year
printing class pictures, mounting them on paper, and writing a personal message to each student on the back
thank you gifts for the mentors and team leaders for at least 4 teams I have been on
thank yous from the kids to the specials teachers and school support staff
TURNING IN THE ENTIRE CHECKLIST AND EXIT INTERVIEW WITH THE NEW PRINCIPAL by Friday the 6th

personal
returning my library books
trying to track food on mypyramid.com
trying to get to my classes at shapes
trying to be playful and fun and attractive and slim and hilarious and precious for my newlywed husband
mailing applications to the jobs in massachusetts, with the added stress of not being able to personally follow up for a few weeks
hunting boxes in grocery and liquor stores obsessively
an etsy addiction
guilt about my move and balancing my marriage and my nuclear family

oh my god i love lists. i feel so much better already. i should also note that a lot of these things will have subsided by a week from tomorrow. until then, it's iced coffees and long walks to get me through.

monday monday

2008-05-12T10:51:14Z

This weekend really put me through the wringer, but I can't pretend that I'm not glad to see the family, no matter how stressful it can get. Ben was amazing, driving here, there and everywhere, and standing by my side for the entire weekend. I spent the night with my sisters on Friday, and was at my mom's everyday. Grandma was pretty nice about the move (a few comments, but whatever). Everyone is exhausted. I'm so glad that everyone is safe and sound, and I love you all.

Last night I applied for a job with the Heifer Project at Overlook Farm in Rutland. They have a farming day camp that lasts the entire summer, where you're teaching local kids about farming, raising food, helping end poverty and hunger, and sustainability. The counselor job is really or high school students, or something like that, but I want to farm, I want to work, and I hope I get it. Even if I don't, I know that there is something nearby that fits my interests. I'm really excited.

I'm also saving for trips to Europe and Seattle. Once those things are done, I think it might be time for kids.

Free Iced Coffee day is Thursday!

sudden peace

2008-05-06T02:06:47Z

i've been bumming around so much. i haven't felt so happy or peaceful in ages. ben and i are totally clicking, i'm eating lots of yummy food and casually doing yoga. i'm not able to spend a lot of money right now, but i'm watching tons of old school HGTV househunter type shows that i love. i'm lazy and round and full of love. i could probably focus a little harder on work or packing, but i'm pouring my energy into care packages and mother's day presents.

i feel like need a little more drive, but i figure that i haven't gotten along with ben so well in a very long time, and there's going to be so much stress this summer, that i'm kind of enjoying with water-skeeter kind of freedom. i'm going to go watch house hunters and digest all these organic cookies i baked.

wait, what?

2008-04-23T02:42:22Z

The reason I stopped blogging about the Massachusetts vacation has to do with the conception of the Massachusetts move. Through out the course of our one-week trip, Ben and I looked at schools and apartments and decided to move back to Mass. We're looking at June 15th. We're pretty serious.

Our trip only ended a week and a half ago, but everything has changed. Obviously, the first person who needed to be clued in was Mama. She took it a little worse than I had planned. Ray was equally quiet. Emily and Julianna gave a begrudged blessing. Then it was time to start telling friends and colleagues. I'm a little bitter, because I think this was much harder on me than Ben. A plus side of making no connections means you have no one to tell, explain to, and possibly let down when it's time to move on. A down side of working your ass off to make it work before you choose to move is the fact that you have accumulated friends, plans, and projects to further your career. Still, there is no doubt in my mind that this was the best move for our family. It's a time of transition at work, and the perfect ease into the empty nest syndrome for Mama (Em and Ju have one more year before school.) Still, it's been stressful.

I'm frantically applying to schools in central mass, and Ben has been checking out his options, with a probable return to Cisco being ideal. We're probably going to be living in an apartment complex in Clinton that we looked at; it's close to friends and equidistant from Ben's family and Laurel at school. We can be comfortably into Boston in an hour. It's near our old haunts like the flea market and some of my favorite diners. It's an easy drive to FSC, where I plan on starting my master's as soon as possible. Once that's behind us, it's kids and carriages.

Now we're just kind of numbly packing. I try to bring home something superfluous from the classroom at least every day. We cleaned out our bureaus and closets tonight, and I'm searching out consignment shops so we can try to find some moving money. One small drawer a day is my goal. It's thrilling to think of cutting your worldly possessions in half. I have a sick desire to accumulate things, then purge them in one fell sweep, then start over. Moves are perfect purges. Plus, who can get over that high of a fresh start? I don't have to worry about the placement of the paintings in the living room, or finding the right kind of mop to handle the shitty tile in the kitchen. I can just move, and fantasize on my runs that I will never get new problems, and never grow tired of the new place.

I might sound a little defeated, but I'm honestly just overwhelmed. A few weeks ago I was throwing myself into a gym schedule and planning collaborations to make my next year at Moon Lake even more successful; now I'm scrambling for produce boxes at Publix and reading up on Martha Stewart's moving tips. Once the dust settles, and I'm tucked in the woods with a cozy little haven for entertaining my long-lost college friends, I'll be much more cheerful. For now, I'm subsiding on yoga mantras and daydreams, packing on autopilot. Be home soon!

keep it coming

2008-04-07T14:56:11Z

If I blog about nothing else, I'm going to blog about the yummy food I've had so far on this trip.

We got into Manchester at 11:30 and happily hugged Ben's dad and his brother Andrew. The first night was so strange. We immediately felt like we had come home. We smiled like idiots and squeezed into Ben's childhood bed, just like old times.

Saturday we woke up and drove around Ipswich a little, under the guise of getting some Dunks. It was very overcast and drizzly, and perfect. I tried Toasted Almond coffee, and it's the only part of my journey so far that I haven't liked. We went to the Liberty Tree Mall with Ben's mom and Andrew. While the boys shopped for DVDs, Ben's mom and I had lunch in Panera and talked about family and boys and ma-in-law kinds of things. I had a simple chicken noodle soup with a whole grain baguette, but the chai tea latte was the best part of the meal.

Afterwards, we took off for Leominster to meet up with Tony. It was a quick drive and the GPS took us on some back roads. Even in Mass, there are places we haven't seen yet. We got to Tony's new place and saw him and Gina, and they happily accompanied us to Campus Pizza in Fitchburg. Most people leave and never look back, but I danced around while my roast beef sub with tomatoes and provolone was being made. It would have been better if Reuben made it, but even the sloppy ministrations of the grumpy lady with the leopard-print curves shirt was nostalgically delicious. And how, exactly, do you follow up a sub with a 20-ounce soda from the pizza place of your formative years? By heading to the dairy bar of your formative years, and dancing on John Fitch Highway, to the chagrin of your husband and slight amusement of you friends. I had my mint patty fro yo with rainbow sprinkles, a miracle that I have been searching for for an entire year in the ice-cream capital of the world, Florida. I could have turned around and gone back to Florida after those two magical foodie visits, but there were still people to see.

We got some drinks and headed to Somerville, where Mike Bird, Jeff Bartell, and Sam are now living. They have a really nice apartment, and I got to see so many people. We chatted and made plans for the future and realized how this should probably have been a part of our lives at least once and month for the past 8 months. Ben was in his element telling stories and downing drinks and making Mike Bird fall down on the floor, which is one of his favorite things to do. We stayed until around midnight, and headed back to Leominster. A cozy futon later, it was breakfast time. Mr. C's was just like old times, and I had two eggs, a corn muffin on the grill, and half a grapefruit. Delish. Hugs to Leominster friends, and we were back on the road.

Amherst was another quick drive with breath taking scenery. There is nothing like driving around and checking out houses on the back roads of Massachusetts. Once we made to the Umass campus (which is one of my favorite campuses ever) it was amazing to see Laurel and her room with a view. We ended up spending the entire afternoon shopping in North Hampton. Shops like Ten Thousand Villages, essentials, Faces, and the Cedar Chest Kids always make me envision homes and classrooms that belong in the pages of Dwell. With restraint, I picked up some fair trade toys for my classroom, a mother's day gift for mom, and some cards with quotes that I liked. More inspiration for the fridge. North Hampton was a bit of a foodie's disappointment, because by the time my shopping spree was over, convincing Ben to sit down in the Toasted Owl for lunch was out of the question. We made do with reheated slices from Pinocchio's, and then kissed Laurel and headed back to home base in Ipswich.

That was just 48 hours of time spent in Massachusetts, and already I feel more inspired, hopeful, and youthful than I've felt in months. There's a whole week ahead of me, so I'll keep you updated. :)

t-minus now

2008-04-04T23:26:34Z

I'm writing to you from the Tampa International Airport. After an uneventful check in and only one overheard blatant racist comment (Pilot to stewardess: "How long can it take to make a salad? They lost the recipe for lettuce?!" Stewardess, shuddering: "I just hope they're not all on the work release program." Pilot, pointing at a black Quizno's employee: "Oh, I guarantee you they are!") we've been killing time watching old YouTube videos and laughing and loving. Going back to Massachusetts makes me feel young and hopeful. It lifts me out of my 22 exhausted years. ;)

I'm excited for the food and the friends. I want to eat at Al Dente's, The Cozy Corner, Mr. C's, Campus Pizza, and more. I've been so homesick for my favorite eateries. I also want to see all the old college film guys, and Jessie, and Kenny, and Adrienne, and TONY, and Vatche, and Gregg, and hopefully some of my old professors. I just want to be home, in my element, where Ben and I were the coziest and most comfortable. I want to be in the land of Celtics and Patriots and Red Sox. I want to complain about the cold and have wet jean hems be a major problem in my life again. I want to teach low-key kindergarten and take day trips to farms in Western Mass and be near the Eric Carle Museum in case he does another book signing. I want to be home.

I'm going to try and blog a lot on this trip. I want to remember the first time I was back since the first time I left.

out like a lamb

2008-03-30T17:30:48Z

March has been a month of whirlwind behaviors. Now, at the end, things are slowing down, and it's just proving the old phrase true.

This month I experienced my first bout of teaching during FCAT, some major confrontations with coworkers, some major situations with Laurel, a visit from Jen and Chris, my friend Kristal had her new baby, and Ben and I started making some big decisions. We're taking it slow, gathering information, and listening to ourselves as a couple for the first time in our lives. I'm growing and starting my own family (mentally. still no babies.) and it's important to plan for Ben and I first and foremost.

I am still going to Shapes, but I've been going back and forth with healthy eating. It all depends on where the priorities are. I could pay more attention to local and natural foods, or I could focus on the lowest possible calories and put lots of chemicals in my body. The first option is winning right now, for several reasons.

I feel like the obesity crisis has a direct correlation to the increase of low fat, low sugar, zero calorie food products on the market. Prior to the obesity crisis, Americans ate things from their community and then lived a lifestyle that allowed them to burn the necessary calories through out the course of the day. Yes, they may have had pancakes every morning and used a stick of butter per meal, but they also worked on farms, walked to school, played outside, scrubbed floors, hung laundry, and lived in a less convenient, more natural environment. Also, the natural foods, local celebrations route allows me to try even harder to "keep it simple." Eat sometimes, run sometimes, and try to get as much socialization out of my exercise as possible.

I'm getting back into my own skin, and I know why.

windy weather blow me around the globe

2008-03-08T18:56:12Z

I humiliated myself in an aerobics class called Zumba today. It's like a salsa, cha cha, workout class. And I just don't hear the beat. I'm sticking with cardio kick-boxing, pilates, and yogalates for the foreseeable future. Still, I'm proud of myself. I have gone to the gym everyday but one since I've joined, and the one day I missed was a gorgeous day on which I took a run around the lake. So really, I'm sticking to the exercise thing, and even moving towards healthier eating. The most hilarious part is my mood. I have seriously not been so happy or upbeat for months and months.

Sarah was supposed to visit this weekend, but she came down sick. This was sad, but gives me a chance to tackle the messy house that I was just going to make excuses for. I also want to give Ben a little attention and see a movie with him, since our old weekly movie date is long gone. We tried a so/so breakfast place and discovered an awesome thrift store this morning. We're getting back into our old ways.

I'm going to clean and listen to music loud until Ben and I take off on route 19. Then I'm going to get all my plans squared away for the terrifying FCAT week that is fast approaching. I've got a list of goals for the day, I'm set.

shape it up

2008-03-01T03:36:06Z

Today I joined an all-women's gym with my mother for the second time in my life.

I also took a cycling class in a blacklight-lit room, ate delicious Mexican food, and was given the gift of blank slate weekend.

Kickboxing at 8:30 might happen tomorrow.

start your week with some goals, children

2008-02-24T14:53:40Z

I have been ALMOST defeated by this stupid hacking cough. It's probably the first time in my memory that a physical ailment has NOT been accompanied by low spirits or mental depression. My spirits have been soaring all week, but this bronchial shit is exhausting. Poor Ben has been faithfully giving me alka seltzer and rubbing my sore back nonstop.

I got to take a unified soccer team to the Special Olympics this week. I have never been more exhausted and exhilarated in one day. We lost both games, but we took a giant sign and excited children and everyone had an amazing time. I know so much more about what I would bring and how I would prepare to make it an even better day for the kids. I took some excellent pictures; I wish it was legal to show you all how cute and excited my babies were. Ben came for our last game, and most of my kids parents came to cheer at one time or another. I was a part of something really special on Thursday.

I'm full of plans for this week. I'm planning on moving some furniture in my classroom after school on Monday, and I need to go to Target to buy some baby presents. I have a baby shower on Wednesday, and a big meeting on Thursday. I plan on working on a collage that I've been batting around in my mind, and writing some letters, and baking some muffins. I want to start jogging again, slowly. I want to get a really good book to read, and subscribe to a couple of magazines that I've been meaning to read. I have a dinner date with a work friend on Friday, and maybe a minigolf outting next weekend?

Friends are coming to visit, and I'm going to spruce up the house a little bit. I'm feeling fulfilled and hopeful every single day. Big things are happening this spring! I also love the Old Spice Will Ferrel commercial. Just in case you were thinking I was getting too hippy dippy.

PS PROJECT RUNWAY NEVER END!

back to ie

2008-02-21T00:56:56Z

I was laying the tub today, soaking in the bubbles, eating various chocolates from a large red heart, and I started laughing at Ashlie. Ashlie was my name in college, when I used to do pilates on a purple mat that I kept neatly rolled in my little bedroom in our third floor walk up. Ashlie bought organic milk and drove an hour on Sundays to buy produce from farmer's markets, or even farms themselves. Ashlie trained for 5k charity runs, had several workout partners, and religiously logged her daily intake to track that she was hitting everything on the food pyramid. Ashlie made collages, framed pictures, and scoured flea markets to find charming vintage tins and pottery to decorate with. Ashlie was so cool.

I know exactly when Ashlie began turning back into Ashley. The week before the wedding, when we were staying in the gorgeous house on Lake Champlain. We were close to the oldest out of the 12 people there, and there were always ice cream sundaes and fresh baked cookies and decadent meals to celebrate the occasion. I planned to jog daily, but it was too luxurious. Mom was letting Ben and I share a bedroom prematurely and we were lazily waking to the sunrise and coffee on the back deck. I tried to swim but it was cold. And that was the beginning. Bring on a month of travel and stressful job/house hunting. Then the honeymoon. It started as a slow spiral, and before I knew it, I was buying produce from Walmart. From Walmart. Back to Lean Cuisine and Diet Coke and taking Tylenol on a whim. Chemicals? What? At work they don't know about the way I've spelled my name since 8th grade. They call me Ashley.

I need to spend a Lilljequist week. She was teacher inspiration mixed with hippie ecofest and I loved her glow. She radiated to me. I'll think of her and get back on track. I'm starting by doing my FAVORITE thing and baking banana bread.

Tomorrow morning is the Special Olympics, and I get to take a unified soccer team with my inclusion class! I love it so so much and I can't wait. It's hard to explain to the rest of my class why they can't go, so I'm trying to give them a few treats during their time with the sub tomorrow. Just simplify.

I want to write about how Ben and I spent the weekend in Ft Myers and the crazy weird nights we've been having lately, but I need to get some work done in time to enjoy PROJECT RUNWAY which is the love of my life. The fact that Biggest Loser will undoubtedly drag on forever with tears, farts, and constipated faces from Jillian Michaels, while Tim Gunn's presence in my life is coming to an end, is a tragedy.

it's just the a b c of growing up

2008-02-16T01:53:44Z

I'm about to stun you all with my incredible rollercoaster of emotions. A mere week after my last desperate post, everything has changed. Not forever, not in a tangible way, but things feel different. That storm or rut or whatever- it broke. A lot of it was going to Georgia to see Sarah. It was so wonderful to see her and to spend time with a like soul. Bacon is the cutest. Sarah has a lot more stack against her than I do. But instead of thinking about all the things she has every right to feel sorry for herself about, she's out in the world, learning how to cook new recipies, sewing, dropping 15-20 pounds, running a 5K. She snapped me out of it. She took me to a piano bar called Savannah Smiles and it was literally the most fun evening out that I have ever had. It saved me.

The rest of this week was wonderful. There were hard parts and times when I didn't really work to the fullest of my potential, but that was okay. It was all right to just take it easy. I brought a lot of stuff home this weekend, and did some stupid stuff like cleaning out my filing cabinet and moving some stuff in my classroom. Those kinds of things always make me feel better.

I got my first card that said "wife" and it's on my desk. Ben and I went to dinner at this little place called Stassi's that COMPLETELY reminds me of Al Dente's and talked about all the things we want to do when we go to Mass in April. Then we went to Books A Million and Ben bought me the latest Real Simple magazine. I need to get a subscription, because that magazine is so beautiful and grown and I love it.

Now I'm couching it with Ben, struggling to think through a glass of champange while trying to type this out, plan for the school week, and check out some new blogs. I'm in a planning mood.

turning "burnt out" into "creme brule"

2008-02-07T02:35:17Z

Oh my gosh life is so much different than I thought it would be. I'm realizing that I forgot to visualize life after September 07, and that is why it has taken me so long to realize I'm off track.

The last few weeks have been tough. A lot of teachers that I work and collaborate with have been out because of stressful illness and family emergencies. This stress extends to the students and myself, as well. If there is a lack of support in the classroom, there is a lack of security for the students, and a lack of efficiency in my day. Usually, I let this roll off my back and adjust my schedule to just keep us safe and happy for the day. But new academic and administrative pressures are terrifying me.

Monday was a decent start to the week, with only the crushing defeat of the Patriots to get me down. Then, as we're boarding the buses, my little peanut, JM, says "I got this lice bug out of my hair!" and proceeds to show me the largest louse I have ever seen on the tip of his finger. I wash his hands and immediately start itching my head. He gets on the bus and I go home, my paranoia increasing until I make my mother come over and check me for lice. She encouragingly exclaimed "GROSS! You were at my house yesterday!" but still lovingly checked me and declared me clean. Linda was out, but I hoped it was only for a day.

Tuesday, I go early because I have a meeting with a team of people who do interventions for students. In my mailbox are the results of the latest phonics testing for the kids who have the lowest reading scores. My babies backpedaled, hit NONE of their mid-year benchmarks, and ended up with a testing page that is bright red from all the high-risk numbers they scored. I burst into tears. I love them SO GODDAMN MUCH, but loving them is not teaching them phonics, or allowing them to make any progress at all. I go into the meeting about a new student who was moved into my classroom because of his low scores. I know this was a cosmestic move to make his previous teacher shut up. They claim that it's because my pod has kindergarten classrooms, but I know it was because I'm new and there is a concentration of low students in my room. Now they are having me fill out large amounts of paperwork and arrange for several conferences in order to get him academic testing. The meeting extended into twenty minutes of the actual school day. I got to a messy classroom with screaming students and began picking through the messes left on my desk and trying to sort the paperwork from my intervention meetings. I met with the specialist for an emergency "what do I do about these test scores" meeting and miss my entire planning time. I go home stunned and fall asleep during the last three minutes of biggest loser. I sleep in until almost 7:15 on Wednesday.

Today was the craziest of all. Linda is STILL out. Halfway through the morning, my other darling, ES, starts telling me that his tummy hurts. is face keeps flushing alternately pale and red. I think he's legit. There is, surprise surprise, no nurse, so I call his dad directly from the classroom. He says to me "Oh no. That worries me. I'm working in a house right now and the child here has viral meningitis. I hope I didn't bring anything home! I can get him in two hours." Immediately my heart starts pounding. The kids are rushed into the lunch line. My mind is reeling, trying to think of who to consult about what the hell viral meningitis means for my class and I when my OTHER darling, BB, is lead back to the cafeteria door for running in the cafe. This is a major thing we are working on, right along with cutting in line. These are major social benchmarks for us. I accompany him to lunchline, just in time to see him guilty-ly trying to cut back to the front. When I tell him "NO, you are behind K, " he looks me in the eye and begins saying "NO, NO, NO, NO, E, E, E, E," repeating the name of the student he WANTS to be behind. I say "You are in TIME OUT" He refuses to move and puts a hand in my face, until something clicks and he comes with me to a chair in the cafeteria. He is terribly ashamed now and begins sobbing, but I know that I have to hold my ground. I make him sit for about 30 sobbing seconds, and when I tell him he may return to the line, he begins sobbing, "I'm sorry Squicker, I'm sorry Squicker." He tries to cuddle with me and bury his face in me chest, and I all I want to do is hold him and cry and say "It's okay, I love you!" but I sternly lead him back to the line. I find the Assistant Principal and ask her about the meningitis thing. Slight panic erupts. I have to remove the student, get his things, use gloves, have the custodians sanitize, until we are sure of more details. I go back to the cafeteria to get ES. BB is now standing over his lunch, hands outstretched, staring at the ground, going "Mrs. Squicker. Mrs. Squicker" under his breath. The students worriedly point him out to me. I get the behavior specialist. We go over to him and he grabs my forearms- in his most angry voice he spits out "You are in TIME OUT." I want to sob, but I tell him to sit, leave him with the specialist, and begin taking care of medical business. This all over by 12:30, and the rest of the day was fine, but I am worn completely to the bone. It is only Wednesday and I can't remember anything about a time when there wasn't school and behavior problems and meningitis and DIBELS and exhaustion.

This is just a snippet of my school life. I can't put into words how much I love each and every one of my 23 students. They are my joy. But there are so many daily emergencies, inadequacies, exhaustions, procrastinations, social gaffes, and reminders of my inexperience that I feel like I am drowning, and my love of these kids in my only raft. It's not fair to use them to keep me afloat.

Ben is a lighthouse for me. Strong, there when I need him, gone when I need alone time, full of affirmations that I am great, consolations when I am upset. But he said something very simply the other night that hadn't occured to me. "You haven't had control of yourself for about a month, and you haven't been happy for at least three."

What?!? Not HAPPY?!?! But I have a working car, a great career, a loving husband, and cash to spend. There's more than that? I have no patience for the intellectual plight of the basically fulfilled. I never have. I really couldn't care less if your status symbols aren't making you happy- if you're fed and not struggling then I can't worry about your well being. I've always felt that way about book characters, people around me, subjects of songs. Fuck your gender revolution; your artistic expression. Just put food on the table, be grateful for 4 wheels and an engine.

So what gives? I can cryptically say "something's missing" all day, but no missing piece emerges. I have NEVER had to work so very hard at being happy. I am exhausted, I am like a wrung out sponge, I am sad, prone to tears. Not even food is perking me up. I have no motivation for exercise, for my collages, for all the new books I am dying to read. I barely even check my silly networking pages anymore. I fall alseep before I can even start thinking about sex. I can't return phone calls. I can't even get excited about iced coffee. All my simple pleasures are gone and I feel like a Cymbalta commercial or a stupid Oprah's book club book because I have everything I was fucking working so fucking hard for and I'VE NOT FELT SO EMPTY FOR YEARS.

So yeah. That's me recently. Poor Ben, huh?

Celtics at Magic

2008-01-28T11:19:12Z

Ben and I got to use our Christmas present of Celtics tickets today! It was completely awesome- the drive to Orlando, the Amway Arena, the game so tense and close that it was even okay when we lost. Like everything nice here, it just made me even more homesick for Boston. That's just a part of life now.

On the two-hour drive to the arena, the GPS took us mainly on little back roads. We saw some creepy little hillshaveeyes towns, and some really quaint suburbs. We talked about the probable fact that we were created by aliens, proven by the fact that we have huge brains and only use about 15% of them. THEY HAVE A CAP ON US!

The Amway Arena (which can only be found on a GPS under the name TD WATERHOUSE CENTRE) was a really cool. The seating was easy to find, and there was a good view from all sections. It wasn't like going to a Devil Rays game, where the Red Sox fans make such a strong showing that you feel like you could be at a home game. The Magic fans where fierce and we were surrounded, but the sprinkling of green through out the crowd was comforting. The game was really close, with the Celtics down by 15 at one point, before turning it around. A 3-pointer by Ray Allen tied it up with 14 seconds to go, and then Turkaloo (I have no clue how to spell his crazy name) got a 3-pointer AT THE BUZZER to pull ahead and win. It was the most exciting sports game I've ever been to, and plan on making it a habit now.

The Amway Arena goes ALL OUT. IT was more like seeing a circus then a basketball game. There were two pyrotechnics displays, four performances by the cheerleaders, a performance by the Orlando ballet, a performance by a senior citizens line dancing group called The Silver Stars, and more contests for Disney tickets than I could count. There were free thundersticks on about 1000 random seats through the stadium. There was a mascot who was LOWERED FROM THE CEILING at the beginning of the game, and climbed a rope ladder to the catwalk at one point. In his mascot costume. He looked like a neon, ticked out green monster. He was pretty lame. But he also slid down an entire staircase in the stands on his stomach. He worked hard.

We came home and rested. I made a CD of indie-ish songs because that new Mac Air commercial had me craving those catchy, charming tunes from college. Ben and I giggled and jumped on the bed and were ridiculous. I love him and the way he handles my mood swings. Now it's bout 6:15 and I've been up for two hours finishing my grading and I'm already getting that pit in my stomach about school and Monday and hoping that each kid is okay and that my writing samples are right and blah blah blah. I have two interviews at local restaurants today. I want some cash, I want some diversion, and I want to talk to people who aren't 6 and/or know me well enough to know that the sweet girl thing is just a survival mechanism.

I'm a you soul in this very strange world hoping.

I can't believe it only took 365 days to get here.

2007-12-30T17:08:14Z

January:

Ben and I rang in the new year in Florida with my family, assorted friends of Em and Ju, Rory, Kenny, Marc, and Scott. Add in Grandpa Kauffman, pots and pans, and some illegal fireworks (from other people) and it was a memorable way to begin the year that would change our lives forever.

I visited my childhood home and stayed with Grandpa K during the college break. We went to the Brandywine River Museum and I saw all my dad's old work buddies and visited with Gram for a special day out shopping. That was a special trip.

I started student teaching in Leominster at Johnny Appleseed. It was my first time being called Miss. Kauffman. It was the hardest work of my life, complicated by things like not having any dress clothes, finally saying goodbye to my shitbox car, and snow storms.

That was January.

February

Ben and I gave each other museum trips for Valentine's Day. I think we might have ordered wedding invitations at this point. Student teaching was getting to a fever pitch, and I had the most responsbility in the classroom.

Mama and I went on our dream cruise. Just her and I, we partied on the Inspiration and went to Mexico. We saw the Mayan Ruins and drank a cocktail together and she sang in the talent show and I was so proud. It cemented our move from enemies to family members to friends.

That was February.

March

This is the point where I moved from my first student teaching placement to my second student teaching placement. Working at McKay meant a much simpler commute, the best work hours ever, and meeting Cindy L., the teacher who I can honestly say inspired me more than any other educator I've met.

I was spending a ton of time with Jessie at this point, and loving every minute of our coffee dates and karoke adventures.

That was March.

April

April was a crazy mishmash of finishing major projects and planning huge lessons for my observations in Cindy's class. I was sick and overworked most of the time, and on a different spring break schedule than the rest of the college (following elementary school schedule instead). I was honored at the Honors Convocation for being in the Leadership Academy, and I see all sorts of frantic notes in my planner about making calls to confirm wedding vendors and to finish my thesis.

That was April.

May

This is when it starts to go haywire. Laurel, Ben and I did the Walk for Hunger on May 6th. We walked 20 miles through Boston, and were so proud. I began the hectic race to finish my thesis before the date I needed to defend it by, May 14th. May 15th was my last day of student teaching. I got a copy of the Lorax signed by my kids, and I cried.

May 19th, I graduated Fitchburg State College after 4 amazing years. That afternoon, I had a bridal shower in Ipswich, thrown by Ben's mother. Sunday the 20th, I had another bridal brunch thrown by Mama and Laurel at the Regency in Westford.

I went to Vermont with my mom to finalize wedding plans and do some major landscaping and wine ordering and excited-getting. Then I came home, picked up Laurel, and went off to an amazing bachelorette party, organized by Jessie on May 24th. Ben went off to New York for his bachelor weekend, and I spend the whole time with Jessie, having an amazing weekend of parties and love.

That was the party-laden, whirlwind celebration month of May.

June

In June, I began getting ready non-stop for the wedding. Ben and I went on a spree to find perfect gifts for our attendants. I put hours of blood, sweat, and tears into the wedding slideshow that almost never was. I drove to Westford for final fittings of my dress, and Mrs. F proved her fabulousness by helping me find perfect undergarments for the big day. I finalized RSVPs and got together everything the vendors had asked of me. Mom and I cracked up trying to beat an ebay auction for the perfect wedding cake topper.

June 9th, we packed the car and headed to Vermont. We stayed in a lake house on Lake Champlain for a week, a reunion of the New Year's Eve crew, plus my cousin Page. It was nonstop fun. Slowly, the guests trickled in. I had my "ugly bride" breakdowns. We sang at my great grandmother's nursing home. We had a rehersal dinner at a beautiful little restaurant in St. Albans. We were rudely verbally abused by an old man named Michael. Ben's friends had a secret panic attack when they counted five groomsmen and four rented suits. I cried and worried and got panicked, and somehow, on June 15th, ended up tucked in bed with my sisters and cousin, on my last night as a single lady.

June 16th I woke up and went to get breakfast. Gregg promised me that he would do everything he could to make it an amazing day. Little did I know he was speeding off with Tony to get the extra suit we needed. My hair was done. I was shaking uncontrollably. Makeup, dress, very quickly. It was time to get MARRIED! A perfect day at my Papa's house that I will never be able to forget. Even with the DJ losing power and the unity candles not lighting and Tony offering my 16 year old sister a swig from his flask, people agreed that it was a perfect wedding. I will never be able to thank everyone enough to being there, helping me, and holding me up when my legs finally stopped working at 5 o'clock.

We drove home getting lots of appreciative beeps and thumbs up; JUST MARRIED was on the back of our car in soap :) Next up was the incredible whirlwind week of trying to get interviews and an appartment in Florida. I can't write about how exhausting and terrfiying it was, needling and wheddling and trying to convince landlords and principals to give us a shot. Ben went home and I stayed late, just trying to get one more interview, one more chance. I went home just in time to pack the truck. There were misadventures left and right. But we were married, and we were moving, and there was nothing to do but hope.

As we packed up our first apartment together, I got the call that I was going to be a first grade teacher at Moon Lake. I cried with excitement, but we were trying to beat the clock and get our truck filled before the Longjo Classic bike race pinned our truck in the next morning. We celebrated, ate our last subs from Campus Pizza, and sweat buckets and we loaded our lives into the huge yellow truck. Emily, Julianna, and Mom were super stars as they helped us.

That night I went to see Jessie in the play she had been working on in Boston. Somehow, in all the excitement and difficulty of goodbyes, I lost the only key to Ben's car that he had let me borrow. Emily and Julianna were with me. Somehow, thank god, so was Kenny. After scouring the Boston streets and theater for the key, we gave it up as lost and began the long journey of driving back to Fitchburg with Kenny, getting Ben's spare key from our ABSOLUTELY EMPTY apartment (he was sleeping on the floor next to his keys) and then driving all the way back to Boston to pick up the car. Somehow, we turned the horrific events of the night into an adventure and had so much fun singing, eating skittles, drinking iced coffee and making jokes a little too soon. Kenny, that's way your our brother. Because you put up with us and still like us after.

June 30, 2007, we pulled away from Highland Avenue for the last time. That was June.

July

July was rough. I don't want to talk about the actual move itself, because it was so hellish. Penguin was miserable, we were miserable, Mom thought we drove too slow and it took us three days to get down to Florida. Then, we couldn't move into our apartment until AFTER the honeymoon, so we had to expensively board Penguin, which only added to his chagrin, and live in the spare bedroom at Mom's, which was great of them. We packed for the honeymoon and took off.

The whole honeymoon is remembered in our blog theswickers.wordpress.com. It was full of things that we will really never forget. I think I would have enjoyed it more if it hadn't been sandwiched between so much stress, but I definately loved all the effort that Ben put into giving me a great time. We'll never do something on such a large scale again!

When we finally got home, we could move into our new place. It rained our whole moving day, as we transported furniture and boxes from Mom's garage to our new townhouse down the road. We were so worn thin, our nerves were about to break. But we had a home. a real, gorgeous home. Over the next few days we bought more furniture, took more from mom's place, and put all our wedding gifts in their rightful places. A couple thousand later, we were cozy and comfy and proud.

I had a couple of early training classes for my new job, and got the key to my classroom.

That was July. :/

August

This was the month I threw myself into my career. I started rearranging my classroom and buying up as many teachery treats as I could afford. I picked out new clothes for my teacher wardrobe and obsessed about getting all my lesson plan information straight. I met other new teachers as was put on an orientation committee. I got advice and lots of raised eyebrows from parents about my apparent age.

But I met my kids. And I fell in love. And I became a teacher.

I also saw my first Red Sox game.

That was August.

September

Stress as a teacher. Lots of baseball.

That was September.

October

Starting to like teaching more. Turned 22. Lots more baseball YAY!

That was October.

November

I had my first dinner party in my grownup house when Kenny and many other family members came to see Emily and Julianna in Grease. It was amazing to see my family and to spend the whole weekend with Kenny and Laurel. It was a great beginning to the month.

Due to the unchanging weather, emphasized by a heat wave, I got really confused about the seasons, and on cue with the ads, began celebrating the holiday season around November 20th. I went Black Friday shopping with my mom and sisters for the first time in years and had a blast. I began planning December celebrations for my class. I started spending lots of money really early.

December

December was a busy and fun month. A lot of things happened in my career that made me think about the way I want to interact with my peers and the way I want to get my job done. I think this was all for the best. I made lots of cookies for all the people who help my life run smoothly. I ate way too much junk. I taught my kids about Christmas around the world and got burnt out from the screwy schedule that happens just before winter break.

I wrapped presents and watched Christmas movies with my sisters and with Ben. Ben turned 28 and we saw Sweeny Todd and had tacos. We went to a weird church on Christmas Eve, then Ben and I had a private Christmas at our house while watching It's A Wonderful Life. Ben got me a spice rack, all the Pixars on DVD (for our kids to watch) and a dinner cruise on a yacht in Clearwater. I got Ben a world map, some special edition dvds he wanted, a vintage Celtics shirt and a basketball. Christmas Day we were with my family for the first time in two years. We opened gifts, and then Mom, Laurel and I cooked a gourmet dinner. We ate together, kissed each other goodbye, and then my family went to Deleware and we stayed here to spend time with Ben's family. We went to Animal Kingdom for a day and then spent time together until they went back home three days later.

And then, for the first time all month, we took a deep breath.

We made plans to get healthy, be more patient, and spend more time together.

That brings us to now. That was December. That was 2007.

Seriously, that took 3 cuts! I wanted to create some kind of questionnaire that people could just quickly fill out and we could all compare each other's years and talk about how crazy we all were in different ways. But no amount of questions can rationalize the way this year has gone for me. This year was a trial and treasure. I wrote too much.

it's winter break, and i'm ready for some lists!

2007-12-22T15:18:50Z

I wish I wrote more. I know how valuable these entries will be to me when I'm struggling with juggling family life, or when I'm celebrating 10 years of being a teacher. I need to be recording how hard it is to stay cheery after 2:30 in the afternoon, how much better my day is if I get to the classroom by 7:30, or how a day of the worst behavior I have ever seen can be explained by the heartbreaking sentence, "My daddy got home from jail last night." I go through phases of thinking I've got the whole thing down, just to be get knocked with a punch of messing up a batch of paperwork or teaching my reading groups the wrong way. Teaching school is really hard.

Right now, though, I am still coming down off the sugar high from our holiday party yesterday. Yes, I ate just as much as the little babies, between the staff cookie exchange, the endless gifts of chocolate and cupcakes from the kids, and the all-out sugar throw down that started at 2:30 and lasted right to the very last moment. I got gifts that were thoughtfully picked out by parents, and the sweetest collection of recycled toys that were wrapped in shoe boxes and old powder containers. I gave hugs all day, and brought Emily and Julianna in to meet my babies and help me. I was thrilled to have them, the kids were thrilled to have them, and they had a really good time. My sisters are my life.

Here is my suggestion to you. If you haven't done this already, please pick up Entertainment Weekly's Best&Worst of 2007. I'm not always up on the latest in pop culture; I probably fall right into the 50th percentile as far as being in the know is concerned. I mostly know what books and movies are well-accepted, and I religiously steal week-old issues of US Weekly from my mom's recycling bin. Still, this year-end recap is so fun! I loved remembering each shocking celebrity moment, and my heart swelled to see "Umbrella" at the top of the singles of the year list. I'll always remembering singing it at the top of my lungs at a certain lakehouse in Vermont, with two days of single life left. The tribute to Harry Potter made me smile. I also got some good book reccomendations. The two that really intrigued me were The Post-Birthday World and Last Night at the Lobster. What could be better than an emotional story about a failing eatery?

Today is Ben's birthday, and it's a happy day. We're running errands, buying an exercise bike, and eating tacos with my sisters. Laurel is coming home, and we're going to see a late show of Sweeney Todd. Because of the joy, I don't want to share the story of the lost engagment ring and the ensuing panic, disappointment, and depression. I'll get there later. For now, Merry Christmas, and I love you!

(We need to start some sort of meme or survey where we can share our tops of 2007. Someone help me create this. I have some free time on my hands and I'm pumped.)

morning dose of interesting beauty

2007-12-03T11:33:27Z

I want to post more substantially about the pleasures and struggles in my life that revolve around the holiday season, and tell you about the family exploits, and my cute cat and handsome husband, but I only have a moment (I'm supposed to be in the shower already).

I discovered a site this morning called Etsy (www.etsy.com). This might not be news to many people, but it's news to me. This crisp, clean site is a forum for people to sell art and handmade crafts in a public environment. I adore the art I've seen so far, the reasonable prices on most of the items that interest me, and the idea. Handmade, a lot of it recycled, GORGEOUS conceptual gifts. If you haven't already finished the Christmas shopping (some of us got carried away in November. Blame the inability to read the seasons) I challenge to try and buy at least some of your gifts off Etsy.com. I think it's such a cool site and I want to support it as much as possible!

Happy Holidays,and if you live up in the Northeast, and you're dealing with that blizzard- HA! I mean, be safe, I love you.

Teacher Inservice Day <3

2007-10-19T13:34:19Z

Thank you to everyone who responded to my plea for advice. The performance ideas are really good, and it's something I've really been considering. I also went to Michael's and bought some supplies for the collages that I used to make. I think a combination of some better health (weird stuff is going on with my body) and creative projects well help me feel a lot better.

I have a beautiful inservice day today! I think another thing that has been keeping me down is my lack of TO DO LISTS! I can't live without them.

1. Make a doctor's appointment
2. Online banking
3. Organize my school supplies and make plannning binders
4. Lesson plans for next week
5. Weed and clean the back patio
6. Thank you notes for birthday gifts
7. Exercise (swim, walk, or water's edge gym)
8. Late lunch at Panera
9. Visit with Mama
10. Be home when Ben gets home; night out at Clearwater Pier?

I've got a plan.

70 percent

2007-10-17T01:24:59Z

I only have about 70 percent of my normal energy and love for life right now. Work is going okay, always overwhelming but I love my kids. I love getting to see Ben at the end of the day, and we've been spending a lot of time with Mom and Ray and the girls. I talk to Laurel on the phone a lot. I watch lots of baseball. I've been finding more furniture for the house and it's starting to look like a real first place. But I'm not where I was last year.

I keep thinking about when I was in my second placement of student teaching. I was with Mrs. Lilljequist and I learned so much about living a balanced life and walking in the woods and being a kind and fair teacher. I did student teaching, worked in the library, worked at the diner, did the Walk for Hunger, threw parties, spent time with friends, saw plays, planned a wedding, went to the gym regularly, and had tons of energy. Right now, I work from 7:30 to 5ish and that's all I've got. I barely have strength to cook and flop on the couch. What is it? Is it that I'm not being stretched creatively? Do I need more art? More exercise? New challenges? The answer to all of those questions is YES.

I'm also a little lonely. I love Ben more than words can say, and we have a lot of fun laughing and having adventures in Florida. My sisters and I spend every Sunday going to the gym and goofing off. But there is no kareoke, no nights at the bar just kicking back, no Monday afternoon coffee runs, no Friday night treks into the city to see plays. My mentor invited me to order lunch with her teaching team on Thursday planning day, and I thought "Wow, it might be like having friends."

I am INBETWEEN. I am not a student anymore. I am married, I have a retirement plan, I have car payments and rent payments and a career. But I am not a part of the grown-up ladies club, either. The teachers at school have to restrain themselves from talking to me like a child at times. I'm too young to really relate to anyone. My mom tries to invite me to things like jewelry parties or ladies nights, but everyone is kind of awkward about me being there, and I always feel like an imposter. I'm stuck, and my friends are at home.

Give me some suggestions. What are some things I can do to throw myself into projects or situations that will lift this funk? As of now I'm just waiting for November when the family comes to see Laurel's play. But what after that?

it's been awhile

2007-09-29T22:11:37Z

I haven't written in here since August 4th. Suffice it to say, certain things have changed.

I am officially a somewhat seasoned 1st grade inclusion teacher. I have students with many different disabilities and levels. I love my class and my students. I am working harder then I have IN MY LIFE. The paperwork, meetings, and systems of different districts are distinctly different, and I'm learning on my feet. The parents were shocked by my young appearance and openly asked me my age and teaching history. At first I was afraid to talk about insecurities with the other teachers in an effort to hide my age and my lack of experience. I'm finally at a point where I'm comfortable with the parents and beginning to form really nice working relationships with the teachers on my team and the great support staff that comes into the inclusion rooms. I'm working really hard to get the schedule right and I'm culling through thousands of collected ideas and lesson plans, trying to figure out what works for this class. I have students that are reading chapter books and students that are working on letter identification. It's a range that is exhausting to plan for, but I love every single student I have. I'm blessed. AND professional. My principal has really been impressed with my bearing in meetings and my interpretation of data. The school is really supportive and has great programs. I love it there, and I'm working towards a great start to my career.

It's draining me at home, though. I've been balancing precariously between exhaustion and irritation that I have no energy for anything other than school work. Ben is great; he gets home a little earlier than me and makes sure that the bills are paid and the house cleaning is taken care of so that our time together can be just relaxing and going to the gym together. I'm trying to decorate the house, go to the gym regularly and train for another 5k, and I'm really getting into cooking and baking. Mom and I are planning to take a cooking class together, and we've been trying new recipes and home. Food Network is a constant at my house. Mom is also helping me find things to do so that I can meet some people. We're going to a jewelry party tonight to see if we should throw one for my school friends and her friends in Water's Edge. We also are planning to go the ladies' night that the neighborhood throws and do some wine tasting and dinner out. OH MY GOD I'M SO GROWN. But I refuse to spend every night in front of the TV, praying for strength to get off my ass for tomorrow. I know that the more I do, the more energy I will have, and the more sparkling and vibrant I will be for my students. I want to live before the babies come.

There are no current plans for babies.

Today Ben and I shared a really nice day. We tried to catch a movie, but long lines and crazy circumstances made us decide to try again later. The two-dollar theater allows for that level of casual behavior. We got some fast food and checked out a used furniture store on a whim, where we found a gorgeous butter-yellow china cabinet with hideous 70's frills that I almost died when I realized were tacked on and could be removed to unearth a beautiful, study chest that reminded me of the "buffet" piece in my childhood home. It was the kind of piece that held all the family papers, and the most special knickknacks were placed on the top. I fell in love and it was SO cheap. I just couldn't figure out how in the world we would get it home. We asked about delivery prices, but it was a monster and we were sure we wouldn't be able to afford it. The man told us that over $299 was free delivery, but if our piece was cheaper, we would have to pay the $20 delivery fee, but quickly told us that if we could wait a few days, they would give us a discount and deliver it for $12. That allowed to purchase the beautiful cabinet, with shelves, drawers, and a cavernous under-storage space, for a total of $100. It's coming next week. I couldn't stop beaming.

The rest of the weekend is family and planning for the coming week. October has my birthday, lots of fun Halloween plans, and the longing for Mass autumn. There are good things coming and going, and I'm living a good life.

The Sunshine State of Mind

2007-08-05T03:48:43Z

Things are continuing to move along nicely. The partially unpacked house has become a partially decorated house. Trinkets are arranging themselves and pictures are going up- not posters, or collages of favorite photos, but framed art and preserved memories. It's turning into a grown-up house!

School is coming fast! I've taken three days of school district (they go by county) training, and spent about three hours in my classroom, organizing and getting my bearings. I have a few more things to put into my classroom, more cleaning and organizing to do, and lots of lesson planning to tackle. Next week goes as follows: Monday and Tuesday, classroom work on my own, lesson planning and cleaning; Wednesday, school-based new employee orientation; Thursday, school district welcome brunch at country club; Friday, more classroom work. That will bring us to the weekend, and then on the 13th my required in-school planning time begins! Meet Your Teacher day is the 15th! I'm scared and excited and have lists and lists of plans.

Ben and I are planning to buy a new car. I needed a vehicle and was planning on something used, but we worked the figures and it might make more sense for Ben to get a brand-new car and me to take over the Corolla. The most exciting thing about all of this is that I'll have a car of my own, something that has always appealed to me. Ray and Mom are keeping us grounded by helping synthesize information and figure out what the hell everything means. Between buying the car, building credit, and orgainzing my benefits, I've already been reduced to one crying fit in my parents kitchen.

The nicest thing of all is the routine that we're falling into. It's very satisfying to take care of such a nice place, and all the new splendor makes me want to clean the stove, put away the dishes, and make the bed before I leave. It's so cozy and lovely. We already have some traditions in place that give me things to look forward to: take-out Friday nights, and our Sundays. Our new Sundays consist of me going over to Water's Edge and going to the gym with the girls in the morning, then heading to the Dunkin Donuts that I found and having iced coffees. I go home and shower and do cleaning and chores, and then Ben and I see a movie in the afternoon. I've also made plans to call Jessie on Sundays to stay on top of the world in Mass. I hope we keep up with these fun traditions. I'm so excited to see what comes!

I'm going to upload the wedding pictures to my laptop (finally) and cuddle with my husband. It's no small thing to celebrate a simple life.

hiatus

2007-07-29T04:10:00Z

i have to admit that i've been blogging elsewhere. i know, that's filthy. i had considered myself to be a one-blog kinda girl, but then i got married and my fidelity went down the tubes. theswickers.wordpress.com is where i've been spilling hearts and pictures about ben and i's honeymoon. our cross country road trip followed our beautiful country wedding and sandwiched in between, before, and after, i got a job in Pasco County and we moved into a townhouse and retrived a frazzled penguin from the mix. we are stretched to the limit, slowly acquiring the last bits of furniture and turning on cable. its tumultous and exciting and exhausting and soon, a routine will emerge, and it will be home.

we're also housesitting the twins, who i love and adore. we're all watching arrested development together. mom will be home on sunday, and our responsiblity will wane a little.

i saw hairspray and read the last harry potter book. both were excellent, both made me feel proud of my dorkiness and love my family.

i have a gym date in the morning, so i'm going to bed in my sleek new apartment life. i miss laurel, kenny, jessie, and jen.

I just died in your arms tonight

2007-05-19T03:25:53Z

Tonight was an amazing night. It started with amazing afternoon. Laurel got dropped off in Fitchburg around 3, and then we laughed and showed each other things and played on YouTube until Ben got home. Then we all got in the Corolla and drove to Westford, where my entire extended family, including Kenny and Rory, was taking over the Applebees. We ordered food, hugged a lot, switched chairs a million times, pissed off our waitresses, and crashed into one of the low-hanging lamps, shattering it completely. No one was sorry to see the back of us. I haven't had such an nice time with my family since last year when Laurel graduated from WA.

We moved on to the hotel where everyone is staying, and the kids swam in the pool and the adults all chatted about life, and the wedding, and rain plans for graduation day. At one point Hope was sitting on my lap, playing with my hair, and I was talking to her about her Nintendo DS, and my Papa, the rough and tumble one, said "Here are my oldest and my youngest granddaughters. Give me a kiss." It was wonderful to see everyone.

The best part about everything was the tape that Laurel finally fixed. My father owned a hand-held tape recorder that he used to tape bible conferences he went to. At some point, my five-year-old twin sisters snuck it away and taped hilarious and adorable little songs and sayings. Sometimes you can hear my dad giving them permission to use it, and sometimes you can hear them going silent because they have stolen it and are afraid he's coming. Laurel found the recorder and the tape. Listening to them giggle on the tape is several adorable minutes of heaven.

Tomorrow morning I graduate from college, and become an ADULT. Julianna already told me to get a job.

Self-Improvement On Display

2007-05-16T15:05:51Z

Sometimes, fitting wedding preparations into your busy schedule means jogging through a crowded campus with your mouth hanging awkwardly open because of the Crest White Strips on your teeth. Sometimes, that just happens.